Sunday, May 29, 2016

I left my heart in Japan

It’s been almost a month since I left Japan; Osaka to be exact. Not even a night I spent without mising Japan and wishing I could go back there again. In the first 2 weeks, I still thought that it’s normal and it’s not a big deal. I think when a person had lived in a certain place for quite some time, they will surely miss it while adapting to the new place (or in my case, adapting to the chaos Jakarta again).

But recently I think it starts to get worser as the ache in my heart doesn’t seem to start to recover at all. I started to think that it’s not healthy to keep thinking like "urgh, it’s not how we do it in Japan", "argh, the public transportation here is so shitty", or "wow this country definitely isn’t going anywhere at least in 200 years". I do, think like that unconsciously, the whole time. It consumes me more than I want to admit.

I think the effect is close to a heartbreak. It’s pretty much like you just broke up with your girlfriend / boyfriend. The sadness, the cries, the mourn, the pain, the list is going on like crazy. The ache in your heart everytime you see anything related to your ex, is the exact same ache I feel everytime I see anything related to my life back when I was in Japan. Everytime I hear the songs I used to hear a lot in Japan, I can’t help to be sad, no matter what I do, no matter where I am.

I read somewhere that you can be addicted to sadness, and I realized that when I’m voluntarily give my heart a space to be sad. I will turn on the ‘Osaka playlist’ songs and just lay down in my bed hugging my pillow and let tears start falling down my cheeks. Now THIS is not healthy, at all. It’s not OK and I dont know what do I have to do to get over it.

Japan. This country touches my heart, to the deepest part of it, slowly grabbed it and now Japan is completely the owner of my heart.

I left my heart in Japan.

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